Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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