Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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