I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
