Betty ford says i'm here all night
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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