Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
