We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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