I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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