As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
