I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
