Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
