she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
