four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
