1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
