I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
