can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
