i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
