SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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