It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
