Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
