i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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