My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have fence marks all over my body
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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