If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
