70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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