my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
