I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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