I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
