Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
