dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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