i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
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And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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