nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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