I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.