Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.