The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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areolas are like halos for boobs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
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there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????