We won't sleep together?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
are you so shy because you have an std?
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just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen