I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
