he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
