I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
