why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
