She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
