We named our party play list daddy issues
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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