I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we made out on top of his cat.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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