forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
