Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
