Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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