My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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