Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
