dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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