You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
