Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
