Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
