Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
