Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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