I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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