Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
