the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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