I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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