I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
