I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
