im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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