Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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