I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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