oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
