I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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