i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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