Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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